Audio Recording the Life of Roxas
by xKittyRiku
Summary: Quick summary- small 500 word chapters on Roxas audio recording himself. Listen to -or read- his darkest and deepest secrets.
1. AkuRoku

_Okay, before I start. I have no idea as to whether to carry this on, or make this it. Reviews welcome, CC please! By the way, if I carry this on, I have a few ideas on what to do, but I don't promise I can get round to writing it. _

_Anyway, thanks for getting this far!_

_Ashlee x_

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_**-click-**_

"Hi, I don't really know where to start. Uh, this is so awkward. I guess the best thing to do is just say it, right? Okay, here goes…

"I really like you. I can't explain my feelings in literary terms; everything just explodes inside me, which is probably why you think I'm weird. Because I don't want to ruin everything I've got with you, even if it's not that much. My reasons? I kinda guessed you'd feel bad about having a _guy _like you and never talk to me again.

"The first time I spoke to you was when I first joined the Organization. Me and the Moogle were arguing about prices and you stepped in to defend the Moogle. I remember exactly what you said, 'The Moogle is always right, kid.' And then you left me, spiralling down, down into the darkness that would soon become all my feelings.

"I know I'm categorically sad, telling this to you with a… whatever this recording thing is instead of just coming out and saying it to your face. I know you won't believe me, either, because I'm just 'an inexperienced little boy'. Well, that's what Saix said to you about me. And the look on your face could have only been pity, although I hoped it meant so much more, like for example, you wanted me in your life.

"We've only met in person a few times, because I'm too scared and shy to go up and talk to you. I think you really are an amazing person. The way your hair defies gravity and how it's so soft looking! The way you like the same hobbies as I do. The way your arms are really pretty, really thin. But you have muscles. You seem incredibly nice, and you're the best thing that's happened to me this year. But this can't always go on. One day I'm going to have to give this to you, no matter what it takes.

I know this doesn't make sense, and I'm sorry. I just want to get my feelings out to you.

Every time I see you, I pretend to be normal but that's not the sensation I feel inside. I feel like a million fireworks are going off and, and, I want you to turn about and look me in the eye, move closer, and kiss me. I don't care where you do it, or how you use me. I just want your touch. For you to touch me. Your fingers swirling around my body. Inside, and out. That's really wrong, isn't it?

I want to keep each of these tapes short, so today, I really like you. I saw you about three times, around noon yesterday. And yet, you didn't look at me once. And you know what? I really love you, Axel."

Roxas leaned forward and kissed the tape player, and then pressed pause before throwing himself back onto his luxury duvet cover. He was going to sort this out, one way or another.


	2. The Underwear Drawer

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If you haven't guessed, I'm trying to make the chapters about 500 words each, that's why it's so short.  
I apologize for the sloppiness of my writing, but I'm going to try and upload a new chapter of this every monday. So I will start writing the next one now so I don't have to rush it!

You could skip this chapter and move straight onto the next one if you wanted, I haven't decided where the heck it'll fit into the actual storyline.  
Thanks for reading this much!

**xKittySora: **Thanks! I will continue it, as you can probably see xD_  
_

_**Abigal Satoshi xx: **I am planning on making him even cuter! :D_

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"Axel? Are you there? Listening to me?" For the second Friday evening in a row, Roxas had the Audio Recorder flicked onto the red circle. "Guess what I did today? I… well, I guess it's kinda rude to just say this out loud, but I shall anyway, Axel. I… I kinda went into your room, last night. Y'know, you were out with the silver-haired boy

"Okay, so I know I shouldn't have, but the first thing I did was lie on your bed, and smell your intricate scent, the smell that makes you, you. You know, the one that smells like, a mixture of Lynx and Cinnamon and Chocolate, and that sounds disgusting but it's not. And then, I imagined myself, well, holding myself to you, feeling your heart beating against my ear, a strong drumming compared to the delicate flutter of mine. Well, I assume it'll be a loud drumming. You always seem so poised and in control.

"Then, I stumbled across your brightly-carpeted red flooring. I stepped past the abundant clothes that lay on your floor and I paced around the small pile of books and the bigger pile of DVDs. I remember passing a maroon sweater, which had 'Axel' printed on the front. Maybe it was made by hand. Either way, from the crumpled state it was in it looked like you slept in it. Maybe you still sleep in it. I just hope the jumper hasn't picked up the way I smell, because… because… I couldn't resist picking it up. I held it to my chest, and that was when I first knew. I just knew.

"I snuck around your room for the whole evening. I saw everything you own, I touched it. I smelt it. I want to share it all with you, Axel. I know that makes me sound bizarre- heck, maybe I am bizarre, but Axel, I just want you to know, when it comes to you, there are no limits. If one day you were to find this tape, maybe you'd see that.

"Your underwear draw, though, Axel! That was a whole different story. Wow, it took me nearly two hours to re-arrange all that into a semi-decent order. I can't believe you paired oddly matching socks- even if they were all the same shade of red. Scarlet. But Axel, ankle socks do not match with trainer socks, and vice versa. And I can't believe that all your underwear is red! I counted it all, and you only have four pairs of pants? Well… five if you include the ones you're wearing now. Assuming you are wearing any.

"Axel?"

Roxas pursed his lips, trying to think up a new question. When the answer didn't come to him, he sighed. He seemed to do that a lot, recently. There wasn't much longer to wait though, and Roxas would be glad to know that.


	3. Phenomenal

_Chapter three is here!  
_

_Before I begin, thankyou so much to xKittySora. You know why? She has very kindly taken up the offer to write Axel's POV that goes with this story, so check her out!  
When the first of her chapters is uploaded, you will see that you can read either her first chapter and then mine, or my first chapter then hers. I'll post the link up with the next chapter, so be patient!_

_Reviews! Thankyou to everyone who reviews, it's so awesome when you do!_

_So, _

_**xKittySora: **Awhh, well, that's good then, right? ;)_

**_Allers3: _**_Thankyou! I will definately continue it, seeing as xKittySora has offered to make an Axel POV. And about thar book? I will order it and read it! *determined*_

_

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"Is anyone there? Axel? Can you hear me? Of course not. I keep forgetting I'm not really talking to you, as my eyes are closed. I cannot see anything or anyone of reality, because every time I close my eyes, you're there.

"I'll always, _always _remember today. It's the first day we properly spoke. And you touched me! That was amazing, and I'll always relive this day as much as I can, and that's a promise from me to you!" Roxas stopped his monologue to laugh, and blink away happy tears from his eyes. "So, do you want me to recap the day for you? Not that you can hear me, right? Hold on- I'll close my eyes, and imagine you'll say 'Yes'. Done! Ah, what am I doing? I'm not usually this soppy; it's your fault. But I really, really don't care.

"Hey, so today, I put on my Organization cloak and went into the room where they give you all the missions… uhm, what was it called? Hold on, let me think… mpmh, mpmh… wait! Axel! No! I'm not doing anything… y'know… weird? I was just slamming my fist against my head… oh no! I'll edit that out later, if I can. Is that even possible?

"Axel! I'll just call it the Mission Room, okay? So, early this morning, I went into the Mission Room. The first thing I saw was Demyx in the corner, holding a guitar-shaped blue thingy… I think he called it a Sitar… I'm not that sure… but then, I turned around and saw you, striding in after me. And I swear, you looked directly at me… you must have seen me blushing? If you didn't, you must be blind. I felt myself turn as red as three ripe tomatoes- it was horrible! But you just smirked and walked over to… Zexion? You sat beside him, and you kept looking at me. That's why I looked away from you- not because I didn't like you, but because you embarrassed me so much!

"I went over to Saix, who was holding a checklist. He glared at me for a moment, y'know the way people do when they can't actually see you properly so you have to squint? Just like that. He smirked the way you do, but kinda eviller. Is that even a word? Evil…ler? Saix said four words. They made my heart spin and my head pound! I mean… Heart pound and head spin. Yeah. He said, 'Axel's your partner today.'

"And since that 10 seconds earlier, I haven't been able to stop thinking about what would have happened if I'd have prepared for the moment you stood up, walked slowly across the room, and gently, oh so gently, you put your warm left hand on my cold right shoulder sleeve. It was in all honesty, Axel, the best feeling I have ever experienced." Roxas' closed eyes fluttered open, and he began to think about the event. "How love changes someone," he told the recorder, "is phenomenal." He flicked the 'off' button.

**Part two of this chapter will be up next monday ;)**


	4. John Barrowman

**I'm so sorry this is late! I completely forgot about uploading! *Guilty smile***

**Allers3: **Ha, I know huh? Those tall, thin arms...

_Well, enjoy while you can! ;)_

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**Chapter Four**

"I, uhm… Axel? I'm sorry I had to turn you off like that two hours ago. I couldn't help it- it was all getting to be too much. I'm going to have to talk fast, today, aren't I?

"We had to go the dusty and deserted city of Agrabah. Did you get my pun? _Desert_ed? It was amazing, Axel. There was no-one there, but you and I. Kinda freaky, really. It would have been so beautiful, but you rarely spoke to me. Not being funny, Axel, but c'mon, I was really looking forward to hearing that amazing voice of yours. All you did, all day, was smirk. Smirk, smirk, smirk, and the occasional grimace. Look. I'm sorry, Axel. But I was looking forward to hearing you, for a change, and not Saix's orders coming through your lips.

"I really can't explain the anger I felt. Okay, at the time, I think I was love drunk, but now? Now I think I was being stupid, Axel. Is this selfishness or hatred? Is it love or chaos? Pain or despair? Axel, please, please talk to me soon. I can't bear the thought of you ignoring me, or those red lips just… curling upwards, but it wasn't a smile.

"We spent the whole day looking around for some guy who didn't even know where he was when we finally found him. It was like he was on drugs or something, it was seriously scary. But you didn't flinch. You just said, 'take my arm, Roxas. Let's go through the portal together, our mission has terminated.' I mean, what the hell are you on about? I like you and all, but you don't make sense half of the time you talk! You could at least of hinted at what you meant. I didn't even know you had to hold someone's arm to get through a portal. I thought it was just a type of magic you got to do if you were more experienced. Y'know what I mean? I don't. Gah, I wish I could just stop rambling. If this is because of you, I guess I shouldn't have anything to do with you, really.

"My mother wouldn't want me to have anything to do with you, y'know that? She is against gays more than that all-powerful guy was, the one who made everyone do things his way or they would die? Yeah. It's so weird. My father… if he was still here, might be okay, but I doubt it. He was harsher than my mother, thinking about it. But I don't want to. Think about it- him, I mean. So my mother, she gives every semi-gay looking guy this _look, _that just says, 'find a girl your age and be done with it, you skank.' But of course she doesn't actually say this. And Axel, if you ever meet my mother? Please pretend you're a girl. Otherwise, I'm going to get a look just like the one she gave John Barrowman through the TV screen of Doctor Who."


	5. Monopolize

_Hii! Get straight to it Ashlee, you're already one day late!_

**Allers13: **You are officially the top fan of this story ;) And Thanks, btw! So would you rather see Axel or Roxas crossdressing? ;)

**Chapter Five**

"Board games have an entirely brand-new meaning now, Axel." Roxas' head was once more leaning on his pillowcase, tilting upwards to look at the non-existent pattern on his ceiling. The young boy of fourteen was speaking into his much loved audio recorder, confessing his feelings as if it were a real person; a best friend, almost.

"You know why? Of course you do, you were there.

"Today, as you know, we had a day off in the Organization. Everyone became bored listening to Demyx's quirky music, Larxene's gibes and Saix's mockeries. So we all decided to break up into groups. A spontaneous decision, yeah, but you got put with me, and me alone.

"Axel, it was fantastic! You and I set aside to play… what was it? Mon… Monopoly! It was a game some guy invented so he could pretend he was rich, yeah. Monopoly. We played it three times, and you won every single time! I don't mind though, you deserved to win. You always do, Axel!

"I didn't know what the game was when you first started telling me what it was. You had to explain. Ah! It was so hard to learn, even though you said it was easy. I don't know why, but you kept moving closer to me. When you helped me place things down, those tiny houses or huts or whatever, you brushed against my hands, several times…

"And… it surprised me. Axel, you know you have the softest hands? The softest hands I've ever touched, anyway. Even softer than my mothers', and that's saying something! I wonder how soft the rest of you is… Did I just say that? Aloud? I'll probably erase that from the tape, later.

"Axel, playing that game was fantastic! But after a while, you got restless. The beginning of the fourth game began, and everything was going perfectly. You asked for a drink of water and I offered to get one for you. I stood up, but you were sitting on my shoelace. Without realising, it came undone and I tripped, scattering pieces all over the board- I stumbled three times, my breath quickened and suddenly you were standing up, smirking all over your face. You held your arms out, and before I knew it, I was tumbling downwards, and so were you.

"I lifted my eyelids to see red hair floating down over my face, your emerald eyes piercing into mine. I felt strange- so wrong but so, _so _right. And then, you stood me up, you made sure my feet were planted firmly on the ground before gently letting me go. And then, for the first time, I saw it. Axel! You gave me the first you ever had; a smile."

Roxas smiled himself as he remember the moment, the grip of Axel's hands, the softness of them, the happiness of the moment, the rush of adrenaline, and then, the melancholy of having to part from Axel's grip. Roxas repeated his thoughts to the audio recorder and fell asleep for the night.


	6. Showers And Raindrops Part One

_Heheh, I'm so sorry about my lack of time management ^^;  
And uh, as for the sloppy chapter, I have GCSEs on the go and shizz, and, I got a lot of help from my friend Rhiannon and xKittySora. But you might be pleased to know I have written a plan for the rest of the story, with longer chapters! But again, this is of two parts!  
I spoke about xKittySora doing the **Audio Recording the Life of Axel **fic that goes with this one, and you might be pleased **again **to hear that she is uploading the first chapter tonight!  
I will post the link in the next chapter, but for now just go on her profile :')_

_**xKittySora** _

**_Reviewersssss!_**

**_Abigal Satoshi xx: _**_Ha, yeah! Axel will probably realise, but don't count your wishes? Forgotten that damn phrase ._

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_Showers and Raindrops Part One_

Roxas prepared to brave the cold. He stepped up and over, leaving the warm running water behind. He wrapped a cream coloured towel around his body and felt the drips being absorbed into the heat of the cloth fibres.

"Axel. Axel?" Roxas wiped the drips from his eyes. "I can't take it anymore. I can't stand the way you flirt with all the other girls, even most of the guys... I can't describe the pain I feel when I see you, smiling at everyone else. But I'm sure as sure that as soon as I tell you how I really feel, you'll like me back. Just like you do in all my dreams, huh?

"It's not like you can see me from where you are, Axel... but I'll tell you this. I'm gelling my hair. Yeah, okay, extreme hold is my secret. I can't wait for you to tell me yours... how is it even possible to get your hair so perfect? If only I had your hair. If only I had _you. _You are the only thing I want, the only desire I have. I'd give up anything... _everything _I had for you... and I'd still be happy. Why can't you be happy, with just me?

"Axel! Please, I know one day you'll get this. And when you do, answer. Answer me one thing. Tell me if you like me in the same way I like you. No no no no...

"Axel! I like you! Please go out with me!" Roxas sighed.

"Axel, I've liked you for a reeeeaaaaaaaally long time now, will you be my boyfriend?

"Boyfriends? Axel, me and you?

"Axel, be my guy, you charming delicious little tree monkey-."

"Oh my gosh! Someone just came to the door... be right back, Axel!"

Roxas pressed pause on the recorder and moved towards the door, pulling up his towel as he went. "Who's there?"

"It's... me?"

"Axel?" Roxas' voice caught in his throat, but he didn't have to speak. The door swung open, revealing the man who was standing there.

"It's... me? I've er, been watching you from the window. You're so small, so cute. So blonde..." The man reached forward, stroking Roxas's newly gelled hair. "So... hard... anyway, I came here to talk to you about a certain wo-man. You know, woman but without the penis?"

Roxas's eyes opened wide, then closed in disbelief. "Vexen, are you drunk again?"

Vexen grinned. "What makes you say that? I'll stun you with my hydrocarbonate fullfour mg powered gun!"

The smaller boy shrieked. "Vexen! Leave the gun out of this!"

"Did someone say gun?" Black hair swivelled around the corner, followed by a white stripe and then more black hair. Xigbar looked sympathically at Roxas, then took the gun and dragged Roxas out of the room. "Sorry about the cold-shouldered freak, Vexen, not myself. Luxord... bribed him."

Roxas shook his head and went to stand back near his recorder. Xigbar flicked around the doorframe, smiled, and then closed the door.

"Well, Axel. Next week will be the week. The week I tell you."

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Riiiight, confusing chapter. Roxas thought Axel was at the door, but it wasn't him.

Vexen was drunk, so yes, it was an innuendo ;)

So there chaa go!

-Did you just say chaa?

Chaa!


	7. The End

**-**_**Click-**_

Roxas had switched on the audio machine for the last time. He'd had enough. And he was about to explain everything that had happened to him in the last few months.

"H-H-Hello again. I'm sorry this is so stammered, i-it's just, Axel is so horrible. I'm crying. I don't know what to do anymore. My life is the worst it's been. I'm thinking... of ending it. If I can.

"You see, Axel, you're an idiot. I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone before. I hate the way you think you can get away with hurting everyone, hurting me. Especially me. I thought you _cared. _I remember that night you asked me over, Axel. I went to your apartment and you let me in. You had made me dinner. I felt the best I'd ever felt, happy and contented. This was 6 months ago, Axel. That night you showed me something I've never felt before. I mean, you showed me a feeling I've never felt before. No, wait, I mean, I felt something that night I'd never felt before, thanks to you. I felt passion. I felt myself let go. I felt _you, your troubles. _I thought you felt the same way.

"I can't explain it. The sex, I mean. I never thought I'd be having sex with anyone, especially not a _guy. _Until I met you, I certainly wasn't gay. But the _sex. _I bet that was the only reason you wanted to cook for me every night until the 3rd month of our relationship, wasn't it? You would cook for me every night, then let your hands roam free and encourage me to do the same. I felt you, Axel, those dark, cold nights, more than I'd ever felt you before. You were warm, Axel. Not hot, warm. You told me, with that little smirk on your face, that you weren't _warm, _you were 'smoking hot. Literally,' you'd told me, producing a ball of flame in your hand.

"I remember your lips trailing over my tense neck, soft, soft kisses that sent me to heaven. As you gently wriggled me out of my Organization cloak, I sensed a new... experience. The... 'down below' area of mine felt like it was bursting, Axel, and I could see you were the same. When you saw it, you laughed placidly, and undressed yourself, nibbling on my ear lobe. The kisses because more and more passionate, until you robbed me of something I could never get back... and that was repeated every night, every single night. Blissful memories will stay with me Axel, but they are fading fast as I think of you and him... betraying me.

"On the fourth month, I came to your flat as usual, but someone else was there. Do you remember, Axel? Do you remember the tears brimming in my eyes as I turned on my heel and left? Do you remember, how I ran so hard I fell down the stairway, breaking bones I didn't even know I had? Do you remember how your mouth went dry, even though you were performing the same dirty deed on him as you had on me? You don't. You can't. You promised.

"You wanted to take it all back, I could see. I will never let you. You betrayed me in one night, but as I think about it, it could be more, couldn't it? You didn't apologize. You looked relieved that I'd found out.

"The day after you turned to me and said 'Last night was great, wasn't it, Roxas?' that's the day that has haunted me for all this time. Because for all this time, you haven't said a word to me. No apology. And it's just him. His mouth wide open, screaming in pleasure as you implored him into the same heaven you implored into me.

"I felt that pain. That pleasure. And then the terrible terror that awaited me.

"I miss you Axel. When I think of your name, my heart wrenches, more horribly then before. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if you apologized instead of having to avoid my watery eyes. I loved you Axel, I still do.

"_CAN YOU SEE MY PAIN NOW_? EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN THROUGH. IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU!"

Roxas closed his eyes, and held his breath as he punched the wall, intensity powering through his veins. He knew it was Axel's fault. _Everything _was Axel's fault. Axel was nothing to him. Oh, if only that was true. Axel meant to world to Roxas and he knew it. So why was there this horrible feeling of regret coursing through his system.

He took the tape from the recorder and hurled it across the room, watching it shatter into millions of tiny shards, just like his heart had.

"I thought we had something, Axel," he muttered, picking up the tape recorder to throw that, too, but he decided against it. He put it back down on the table, and left his flat to go to the canteen. He was in need of food, sugar, to pick up his mood. A lot. If possible.

Axel watched Roxas leave his room, and walked in. He found the tape lying on the floor, and picked up the actual tape from the ruins. Using a trick he had learnt, he found a spare plastic empty tape, and wound the tape round it. He fed it to the tape player, and sat back. He listened, to every word Roxas told him. He finished it.

He left the room.

He didn't return.


End file.
